As we roll into a new school year, many teachers are thinking about how to make their students feel welcome, comfortable, and connected in their new classes.
I know plenty of teachers who give interest surveys at the beginning of the year, hoping to figure out what makes their students tick (or if you’re Jon Cowart, finding out random facts about your students that you don’t mention until months later, by which time your students have forgotten about the survey and think you’re some sort of wizard). Increasingly, well-meaning teachers have started asking students about their pronouns as a way to help students share more of their identity with their teacher, as well as to normalize the sharing of pronouns in general. This is a really positive development – but let’s talk about ways to make sure we are protecting our LGBTQ+ students while making these moves in our classes.
The Fact That You’re Asking At All
The fact that you’re asking at all might be new for some students. Prepare for follow up questions that may or may not come about why the question is getting asked. I usually use a phrase like, “It is important to me that everyone is able to be their whole self in my class, and pronouns are very much a part of who we are. That’s why I asked!” in response to any inquiries.
For students who may be questioning their gender identity, it may be like you are shining a rainbow Bat-signal into the sky with questions like these, communicating, “you are safe to be yourself here, and I will not be afraid to address topics of identity in class.” Queer students have conveyed their relief to me that a teacher openly discussed issues of gender identity early on in the year, as it helped them feel safer to open up. But this is also a great responsibility for the teacher – the more anyone opens up, the more they make themselves and their identities vulnerable to harassment and derision.
Safety
It may be physically or emotionally unsafe for a student to be “out” in different contexts in their lives. (And really, they do not “owe” us any information about their identities. It is an act of trust to come out in any circumstance.) I have had students who used “they/them” pronouns in my class and with their friends, but nowhere else. I have students who were openly nonbinary in most settings at school, but not at home. I have had students come out to me, but not be ready to tell anyone else. (Again, an act of trust in me to keep them safe.)
Our students’ safety should be our #1 priority. As such, when we receive info about identities that are still controversial to some (for whatever reason), we need to not share that info unless the student gives explicit permission for us to do so in specified contexts.
Students may also get misgendered by peers during your class. If you observe that this as an issue, also check in with the affected student(s) to see how they would like it to be addressed in a way that keeps them emotionally safe. This can look like revisiting classroom expectations around respect, gently correcting the offending student, or empowering the affected student to (re)assert their pronouns.
Consistency
Some trans students shared with me last year that they had some teachers who asked about their pronouns at the beginning of the year, and then did not consistently use them throughout the school year. If a student entrusts you with this information, show them respect by doing your best to be consistent with your language. Slipping up happens, and is easily corrected with a quick, “Sorry, they were thinking that…”
My trans students also shared that they had had teachers who asked about pronouns, and even had safe space stickers in their classrooms, only to have students in those classes make homophobic and transphobic remarks that went unchallenged. This greatly damaged their trust in the teacher, and led them to disengage from the class as a social group, as well as the subject matter.
You are responsible for the learning environment in your classroom. It is uncomfortable to challenge loud voices, but you can practice what you might say as your best self in preparation for moments like these happening in class.
Revisiting
Think back to how many times you changed your hair style, your clothing style, your friend group, etc. while you yourself were in school. It is a time of growth and development for all students, so it is only natural that students may learn more about themselves during the course of their time with you. This can include trying out different pronouns to see if they feel right, “going back” to pronouns they may have used before, or even changing names multiple times. This does no one harm, and is a perfectly normal part of the identity formation process for teens.
In instances of uncertainty, where maybe I had heard the student or the student’s friends use different pronouns for them, I defaulted to a quick, private, “Hey Soandso, pronoun check?” This, followed by a quick, “Thanks! Wanted to be certain I’m doing right by you!” can help provide clarity for you and the student about your commitment to protecting them in your class. Assume nothing – just ask.
It is also illuminating to ask students how they have been treated by others in your class and/or at your school with regards to their identities. We try to catch everything that goes on in our classrooms, but it is normal to miss some things, so asking for that feedback from your student(s) can help you see what your strengths and areas of growth are in creating a safe, brave space for your students. Keep in mind that feedback interactions like this also require a lot of trust from the student (because there is definitely a power imbalance between you and the student in the school environment), and even if that trust is present, you still might just get a teenaged, “yeah it’s fine.”
Safety again
Again, act to protect the safety of your students above all else. It may be unsafe for your students (and maybe you) to have open conversations about gender identity in the classroom. If so, treating gender non-conforming students with dignity and care while fostering an environment of respect in your classroom will go a long way towards helping all your students learn empathy, explore their identities, and flourish.