I am at a new-to-me school this year, finally teaching German while also still getting to teach some Spanish. (And model how cool multilingualism is, boing!)
The prospect of teaching German was so exciting to me when I applied for and got the job – I know WAY more about German stuff, having lived in Germany for a year, and I just love the language dearly. But I didn’t realize how difficult last year was on me emotionally and mentally until I woke up feeling nervous and physically sick this morning, my heart beating wildly as I imagined facing my classes for the first time.
I kept swirling around in thoughts like: “What if this year is just as hard as last year?” “What if you lose control?” “What if you can’t keep it in German the whole time because there’s so much side chatter?” “What if this is just what teaching is like?”
I’m (finally) seeing a counselor for anxiety, and part of my initial stages of treatment has just been identifying when I’m having negative thoughts at all. Sometimes, just identifying that it is happening is enough to help me dispel the tension. So, I identified that I was feeling scared, and set about repeating to myself the mantras I know to be true and helpful: Go slow. Look them all in the eyes. Maximize comprehension. Give your students love.
Now, I saw all the freshmen yesterday as part of their orientation day, and my German 1 freshmen were very…lively. I worried that they would never settle down, and that it would be the failure I had imagined. But I stuck to my mantras and did my best with them today.
All we got was this short text:
Two kids got jobs. And we got one sentence! “Today is Thursday, not Friday.” It was a hard-earned sentence, but we got it out, because I decided to stay slow, maintain my calm, and make sure that that one sentence was good with everyone before we moved on.
And you know what? I had students come up to me after class and tell me that they appreciated how I teach. And my students exhibiting the most distracting behaviors knew 100% what was going on when I checked in with them. And even my girls (there are like 6 of them and 29 boys, help) were able to laugh with me about the energy of the class, aka I don’t think they hate me.
After school today, I called some parents as part of my mission to establish positive contact with all my families before we get too far into the year. (Currently at 12o-odd kids amongst four class sections, so pray for me.) ALL the parents I called today told me that their kid already liked my class. Even with all this energy, all this containment and calm I was managing! They liked it, and they liked me.
Our students want to understand. They want teachers to take it slow, check in with them, make sure everyone is okay before moving on. So maybe this group will need some training about how to respond and interact in a CI classroom – but if I can stick to what I know to work…we could have a wonderful, wonderful year. I will take the time I need to reflect and grow, and give these students what they want and need – someone they understand, who seeks to understand them.